There is nothing one should not try, as long as you are not violating the ethical base of: Civility, kindness, or as she recalled “Noblesse Oblige”. If you are able, you are honor-bound to undertake it.

We were taught that most ideas would be tested if we felt they were not sound. Our school code forbade boys to come to the school dance if we were not wearing the school uniform of “Blazer and Tie”, girls could wear anything they liked. I asked my mother, why I would not wear a blazer and tie, but not that from school. I had an NZ blazer (black) and a tie is an easy fix. Mother advised me, I should try, but as a back up carry the school blazer and tie in the car so that I could change if challenged and not spoil my date’s night out. 

With the black blazer, I chose a red shirt, not knowing R my date had a matching red dress. We cut a festive rug between us and had a blast. The next morning I was called to the deputy headmaster’s office. Upon being asked if I knew why I was summoned; I responded not really. He then mentioned the red shirt. To which I responded, that the code was a blazer and tie, which I conformed with – also added that had I been asked to change I would have done so. The deputy head had also represented NZ in his younger days, smiled wryly and dismissed me. From then on Boys could wear any jacket and tie they chose. The norm established was outdated and needed changing. Asking would have met opposition.  Sometimes it is indeed – Better to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission.

It was my birthday at the end of January and with the freezing winter upon us, I invited a group of friends to come for a BBQ. It was a gamble, but nature opened up her bounty and we had 2 glorious days at the weekend the event went off with a good time had by all, and the BBQ was delicious. (BTW, I figured out my leaf blower was just venting the coals needed to get off to a head start).

Conventional wisdom would have been not to have the BBQ, I had everything planned for an indoor event, in case. 

My take on both events is, that one was hurt, but the adherence to “norms” can often stop us from doing something we know is OK.