My fame had set a new mood in the interaction with our surroundings, yet one day I arrived home to find Mother weeping inconsolably. This was beyond confusing as we had gone through so much and never a tear was to be seen.

Upon persistent inquiry, it was revealed that she had received an announcement about my father’s second marriage, but capped by the fact it was on the same day as her wedding day 14 years earlier.

Honestly, I did not understand why she was so upset, as an 11-year-old. Dad was miles away and had not been part of our lives since arriving in NZ. Years have passed, and I have had the jolt of Failed relationships. One has to walk in someone’s shoes, as the saying goes.

What is it that triggers such pain and hurt? We tend to attribute it to the behavior in the relationship with the “other” person. Yep, done that. However, as the years progress, I realize the other person is completely separated from the issue at hand. What! I hear you exclaim. Hear me out.

Hopefully, you have or will experience the thrill in your heart and soul of meeting someone with a special connection. Once that trigger has been pulled the bullets of thought pretty soon start manifesting as dreams of what your union may create! In younger days, family and all that that entails loom large. Later, maybe in the second round, it is the journey you can take together, and as much as you think you share the same thoughts in conversation, the foibles of the human condition are – we dream in isolation.

Today, I realized my mother’s pain, indeed distress, was in reality that her Dreams of their union were now finally over. The heartless, same-date reality, is just salt to the wound.
My experience has shown me that, yes, the pain of being deceived is profound, but that person who did it is not worthy of being in your space. The person who has denigrated you and treated you as subpar likewise. When I heard Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote “No one can do unto you what you don’t allow” I found a reality that resonated, despite being hard to implement at every encounter.